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I had an affair. She had a baby. Now what?

On Behalf of | Oct 24, 2019 | Uncategorized |

You had a bit too much fun on a business trip and cheated on your wife. A year after you stepped out of your marriage for a night of passion, your affair partner notified you that she had your baby. What happens next?

Certainly, your world is rocked. It’s understandable that you may be struggling to process this life-changing bit of information. Below is some information that can guide you when determining your future course of action.

Your wife is going to find out

This is not something that you can neatly sweep underneath the marital rug. She will learn of the infidelity and the baby’s birth. Maybe not right now. Maybe not even for the next few years. But it is a given that in today’s plugged-in world where connecting with someone is just a mouse-click away, one day your wife will learn of the indiscretion that led to your out-of-wedlock child.

The consensus is that generally it is better for the revelation to come from the errant spouse than from the affair partner or the child once they are old enough to ask tough questions. Understandably, this will not be an easy conversation to have so you must plan accordingly.

Paternity must be established

It’s paramount that before you take further action you definitively determine whether you are, indeed, the father of your affair partner’s child.

Should you tell your other children?

This is a tough question to answer and depends upon many factors. If your other children are very young, explanations on the relationship between them and the child of the affair will likely only add to their confusion.

Older children will understand the dynamics, but that doesn’t mean that they will be any less confused by the revelation that they have a half-sibling out there. It’s a good idea to arrange for a few sessions with a therapist to help them process the situation.

When the affair ends your marriage

Some marriages are able to rebound from affairs and some are not. The existence of a child from the affair definitely increases the risk of the marriage imploding and ending in divorce. However, that is not a foregone conclusion.

In any event, you will need to seek legal guidance and advice from a Florida family law attorney to learn how to best handle the situation going forward.

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